I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
