We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
