Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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