fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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