words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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