We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
