You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
