We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
