The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
