you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
