You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
