Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
