Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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