We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
