Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
