Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
