Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize