The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
