Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize