Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
