**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize