booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
