You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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