This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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