Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
