I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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