I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
