and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
