She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
