Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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