you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize