Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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