i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In America we eat man semen.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
