I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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