just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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