You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you made out with another girl for some wings
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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