I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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