The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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