I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
