if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
