I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
