I need help removing her.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
