i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize