the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
