Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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