Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Vodka?
Forever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
