If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A+ Viking dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
