can u get pink eye on your cock?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
