Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
