Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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