Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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