you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
