I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
