I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want a musical about memes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
