My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize