You just made me feel so damn special
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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