Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
