he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
