he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
