I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
