I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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