life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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