Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize