I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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