maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
