I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
