OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
