Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
