At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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